Rabbi Shaya's Thoughts

Sending Gifts

Thursday, December 24, 2020 - 2:33 PM

When it comes to sending a gift, especially at a time when it has to be meaningful, time and effort must be invested to make sure that the right gift is given. And especially if a message is meant to be given through the gift.

In this week’s Torah portion, we read the story of how Joseph sends gifts to his father – very specific gifts, so that they should be meaningful to him. After all, this is Joseph’s reintroduction to his father. Jacob thought that his son was dead for the last 22 years and now, he is looking forward to meeting him soon. What does his long-lost son send him?

Well, first, he has to keep in mind that Pharaoh himself sends gifts, so Joseph has to “out-do him.” In addition, he has to make his gift meaningful. So, what does he send him?

Aged wine as well as local prized grains. Both have deep significance to them.

From the day that Joseph was sold into slavery, Jacob, as a sign of mourning, stopped drinking wine. So, too, did the brothers. And unbeknownst to them, Joseph, did the same. He too, felt the loss of being without his family, so although he always maintained a positive attitude, he nevertheless refrained from drinking wine. Sending aged wine to his father was not only about sending prestigious wine, it was also a sign that he saved wine for 22 years! From the day of his separation until that day, he had saved the wine for the day of their reunion. We see that this aged wine has a double value: prestige and a sign of longing to be reunited.

In addition, he sent local grain, grain that can only be found in Egypt. This gift illustrated that his status in Egypt was not just of a regular citizen, but of a powerful, influential person. That his coming to Egypt, was not a punishment, but a reward of sorts. Although one may not be able to compare the value of grain to wine, wine is clearly much more valuable than grain. But wine can be found anywhere in the world, and perhaps Israel has even better wine than Egypt. But the local grain is unique to Egypt, and Joseph sends both to his father.

As 2020 comes to an end, it is a time for us to reflect on the aged wine and the prized grain in our personal lives. We can use wine and grain as metaphors for life. So, what things that matter to us are we are ready to share with others? What things bring us joy and meaning? What things bring us together yet make us unique? This is the time to contemplate, to share, and to celebrate.

When do you pray?

Wednesday, December 16, 2020 - 3:37 PM

Prayer in Judaism is often misunderstood. Yes, we pray three times a day, and during those times the words are composed for us. However, is it appropriate for us to pray at any moment of the day when we need G-d’s intervention?

In this week’s Torah portion, we see an interesting exchange between Jacob and his sons as he sends them off to Egypt to get food. After he prepares them to travel down to Egypt, the portion tell us that they have their plan all worked out and they have all their provisions ready to go. But then Jacob tells his children, you travel while I stay behind and pray for your safety.

From this text, we see that prayer can be, and should be, done at any time. However, looking a little closer at the order of their departure, we see that only Jacob prays, and he does so after the brothers leave. Does this mean to say that Jacob’s prayer is a last recourse? Shouldn’t prayer be part of the plan to begin with?

Of course, it should be, and it is.

Jacob’s praying is very much part of the plan. His point is that although you have everything taken care of, all your provisions are in place, and you have a plan of action, you may think that there is no need to pray. Jacob teaches us that not only do you still have to pray, but specifically then is when you should pray!

From this portion we learn that there are times when we have an obligation to pray, and there are times when we are not obligated to pray. Nevertheless, when the need arises, or if we are inspired to do so, we should go ahead and pray. Not always do we need the words to be composed for us—after all, prayers are words of the soul.

Are you excited about Chanukah?

Wednesday, December 9, 2020 - 12:20 PM

There is much excitement in the air these days. It is Chanukah! There is news about a vaccine, which means that there is “light” at the end of the tunnel.

It is tradition to read the newspaper to know the current news. As Jews, we take tradition a step further and look at the Torah portion to gain a deeper appreciation of that same news. The question is: what can the Torah portion teach us this week about Chanukah and the news of the vaccine?

This week’s Torah portion tells a fascinating story about Judah and Tamar, but that is not for now. However, I would like to point out one seemingly trivial detail in the story—that the city that they lived in, Timnah, was built on a hill. If you think about that detail, you may ask, why did it matter where the city was located?

Generally, a city is built either near the road at the foot of a mountain, so that it can trade easily with travelers, or at the top of a mountain, so that its inhabitants can protect themselves well. Building on the side of a mountain, has neither advantage. Actually, it only has disadvantages since one home is built above the other. The Torah must be telling us something significant here.

Clearly, the Torah is not just telling us some random fact about this city, but a lesson in life.

In life we have a choice; we can view ourselves as standing on the top of a mountain. proud of ourselves. Or, we can view ourselves at the bottom, thinking that we are small and insignificant. Judaism teaches us that we should always view ourselves as climbers, trying to make our way up the mountain. We should never be satisfied with where we are, always trying to accomplish more. However, as we move our way forward, we should do so with pride.

On the first night of Chanukah, we light one light, but the second night we add one more light, and on the third, we add one more—just as we do when we climb a mountain, every day, we take one more step forward, adding more light into our lives and into the lives of those around us.

The world has gone through a lot this past year. Yet, we see that the world will just get brighter if we do our part by adding light. Just a little light will make the world that much brighter.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Chanukah!

Sibling Rivalry

Friday, December 4, 2020 - 11:06 AM

Siblings trying to position themselves within their family hierarchy is nothing new. This has been going on for centuries. It is human nature. At a young age the arguments might be about who got a better mark or who won a competition, but as we grow up, the rivalry might evolve to more substantial things such as accomplishments in life, etc.

This “positioning” is normal; but, of course, it should always be done in a respectful manner, since one should always come to the realization that each and every person is born with talents and abilities that another might not have—or perhaps, have more talent.

This makes us wonder, why is it that in this week’s Torah portion we find that Jacob called his brother, Esau, “my master” and referred to himself as “servant?” This, in and of itself, is not what one would expect. In addition, his father, Isaac, gave him a blessing that he should rule over his brother, so even if he was afraid of him, or wanted to be kind to him, using a term like “master” sounds a bit excessive, if not counterintuitive.

However, on a deeper, more esoteric level, we have to say that there was a reason Jacob used this terminology, and it wasn’t out of fear.

In general, there are two ways that one can have influence on another. Either one can try to teach and influence, by giving as much as possible and hoping something will get through, or one can put one’s self in the other person’s situation, even at the risk of a compromising situation, but this way there is a better chance of getting the message across.

The challenge with the second approach is that if the person you are trying to influence is in a bad place, when you allow yourself to relate to their situation in an intimate fashion in order to truly understand them, you are risking the chance of becoming like them. Yet, if you don’t relate to the person on this intimate level, you have a much smaller chance of actually having a positive effect on the person.

Hence the dilemma.

Jacob had this challenge. How could he have had a positive influence on his brother, Esau? The only chance he had was if he related to him on Esau’s level. But then he might risk his own spiritual wellbeing. Therefore, he did something very different: He elevated Easu. He made his brother feel good about himself! He called him “master” and Easu did not expect that. He thought his brother was going to preach to him, or look down on him, or at most, talk to him as a brother. But to look up to him? To give him a compliment? That was totally unexpected!

Perhaps Jacob was unsuccessful at transforming his brother, but he did have an influence on him.

Here is where we can learn a powerful lesson. If you want to have an impact on someone, look for the good in the other person, give them a compliment, find a way to see their strengths and don’t just tell them—say it to others as well. Let the world know why you think this person is a good person. When you think and speak positively about another person, it will have positive effects on the other person.