Rabbi Shaya's Thoughts

To survive and to thrive

Thursday, December 29, 2022 - 12:48 PM

Many folks are intrigued by an unsolved murder case. Not only do we want justice to be served on behalf of the victim, but we want to know how it was possible for the murderer to get away with it in the first place. The Torah deals with complications in murder cases, including questions that can ensue if a victim is found between two locales and it is unclear in which court the trial should be held.

It is interesting to note that in this week’s Torah portion, Vayigash, when Joseph’s brothers go home to tell Jacob that Joseph is still alive, Joseph sends wagons along to carry their load. The word “wagon” in Hebrew, agalah, has a double meaning. Not only does it mean “wagon,” it also means “calf.” Joseph’s clever use of the double meaning was a hint to his father that he still recalled the last learning session he had with him, which was about an unsolved murder, the court’s findings, and the responsibility to provide a calf offering.

When Jacob saw the agalah he instantly understood its double meaning and he said that Joseph had bested him. It is one thing to be impressed that Joseph remembered the topic of their last study session, but why did Jacob say he felt that Joseph was better than he?

To appreciate Jacob’s comment, we need to take a step back and recap the ongoing argument between Joseph and his brothers. The brothers felt that in order to stay true to Judaism, it was safer to do so in the comforts of one’s own environs. Don’t leave your own safety zone, your own community. Don’t venture outside, lest you get lost in the large world out there since they don’t have the tools to overcome its temptations. Joseph argued that when one is connected to G-d, one should not be worried about the temptations of the world, but just the opposite, one should utilize the world and benefit from the world for the purpose of serving G-d.

Jacob, in his heart, knew that Joseph was right, although he recognized that it is the more difficult path. Jacob’s gift to Joseph, the coat of many colors—representing the colors of the world—hinted to his agreement to this approach.

When Joseph sent the wagons, he sent a double message. The lesson of the unsolved murder was not only about finding out who the killer was, but about teaching the community that they had a responsibility to step in and ask how this could happen in their midst. He taught, “We have to be on top of our game. This is a sign that something is wrong with our community, we did not protect the victim. As a whole, each and every member of our community needs to know that it is not enough to live in the community, but they have to do more. If someone is in need, you cannot look the other way; each and every one of us is responsible for providing protection. This innocent victim was not provided this simple necessity.”

Joseph was sending his father a message: “Not only did I survive in Egypt as a Jew, but I am thriving here as well. I am going to look out for you and the family. I understand that my role is not just to make do, but to do my best.”

Jacob admits that Joseph bested him. During their years of separation, all that he was able to do was survive. The pain of their separation was too great to handle, but he knew that it was not enough to survive; in truth, he had to thrive.

This is the valuable lesson that Joseph teaches all of us—that even under the most challenging circumstances, we must do our best to thrive.

Truthfully, this is easier said than done. Not all of us are Josephs, but to put in the effort to try is a worthwhile endeavor.

When to start celebrating

Friday, December 23, 2022 - 2:58 PM

There is a famous saying, “It ain't over till the fat lady sings.” Although this applies to the opera, sports competitions, and the like, many people apply this way of thinking to other areas in their lives, believing that if they celebrate too early, they will jinx the outcome. Yet, it is not wrong to question this idiom. Is it true? Can we celebrate at the first moment that we see the lights of hope shining? When we see blessings in our life start to unfold, can we start to sing praises or should we wait until everything falls in place, exactly as we want it to?

When it comes to the holiday of Chanukah, we recite a special prayer that mentions the miracle of the small band of Maccabees winning the war, and the aftermath of the Jews cleaning up the temple and kindling the lights, along with our celebration that followed in the Chanukah celebration by lighting the menorah.

Taking a closer look at the prayer, we find something interesting. When it mentions kindling the menorah in the story part of the prayer, it says that the Maccabees lit the candles in the holy courtyards (in the plural), yet there was only one menorah and it stood in the interior of the temple, not in its courtyard, let alone in the courtyards, so what is the prayer referring to?

There are multiple ways of explaining this statement. We can say that they moved the menorah to the courtyard for all to see the lights being kindled—even though they didn’t know that there would be a miracle—simply to celebrate after such a long time that the menorah lay dormant. This is a nice explanation, but something tells me that the Maccabees had a little bit of fanaticism in them and would not change the law just for this reason alone. There are other explanations, but none truly satisfy.

Therefore, we must conclude that they kindled the menorah in its usual location in the inner chambers. However, once the oil continued burning the second day they immediately noticed a miracle in the making and their joy and enthusiasm knew no bounds! The Maccabees and the Jewish leaders jumped into action and placed candles and candelabras everywhere, in every holy courtyard and beyond. Once eight days passed and it become clear that the miracle had lasted for eight days, the holiday was established for an eight-day period. But the celebration did not wait until the eight days passed; the celebration started at the first moment.

The lesson for us this Chanukah to put aside waiting for the fat lady to sing. Rather, we should ask, if not now, then when? At the first opportunity that we have to give thanks, we should. If we have a reason to celebrate, we should. There is no reason to wait until times are better, if today is already good.

Happy Chanukah and Shabbat Shalom!

Looking forward to retirement

Thursday, December 15, 2022 - 2:25 PM

As this year draws to an end, one thing that does not look so bright is the stock market. And people who are looking forward to retiring, and those already retired, are asking the question, is it so wrong to look forward to retirement? And now with the market the way it is, they don’t have the confidence to do so. Is this a good or bad thing?

On the one hand, we have to feel bad because the market is down, and we want the potential retiree to have a break from work. However, perhaps there is an upside as well.

In this week’s Torah portion, Vayeishev, we read about how Jacob wants to relax. He is aging; he has had a long and challenging life. He had to deal with Esau, with Lavan as a boss, with the death of his beloved wife, the obduction of Dina, and now he has a whole family to raise. He just wants to live in peace and tranquility. Instead, his sons sell his favorite son, Joseph, into slavery and Jacob believes that Joseph is dead. This is not a way to live out your life. In the end, he does have the “best years of his life” ahead of him, but that is yet to come.

Why is he deprived of his retirement at this point, and only is rewarded with it seventeen years later? Is he too young for retirement?

Our sages say that it is not so simple. It is true that Jacob could have laid back at this point in his life and relaxed, and even benefited from all of his hard work up until this point – including all the trials and tribulations that he went through. The reward would have been well earned. However, the rewards of retirement would have been in accordance to his challenges. Yet, this one last excruciating challenge of “losing” Joseph, the pain and suffering that he went through during those seventeen years of separation, prepared him for, and propelled him to, greater heights, heights that he was unable to reach before the challenge. Only because of this great and difficult time, that his children put him through, was he sent into this deep soul-searching journey, so that when he was eventually reunited with his son, he was able to reach a level of happiness, and true inner joy that he was unable to achieve before.

In our own lives, we don’t understand the market forces, nor do we understand the life challenges or experiences that we face. The whys of life are beyond our understanding. What we do have at our disposal is how we respond to them. Instead of kvetching, we can and should look at our date of retirement as an opportunity for growth. Just as Jacob was able to grow during his time of waiting, so can we grow as well. Let’s just hope it doesn’t take seventeen years and that it is not as painful.

Shabbat Shalom

How to influence others

Thursday, December 8, 2022 - 12:11 PM

Anyone who is in sales or in a leadership position knows that one of the most challenging things in their job is how to influence people. In truth, if we think about it, most of society does need to influence others day in and day out, even if that is not their occupation. A parent tries to convince their child to do a certain chore. A friend might need a favor, or a co-worker a helping hand. A teacher will discipline a student in a loving way, and the list goes on.

We are not always trying to find a way to coerce someone into our way of thinking – this is not a skill set that we are looking to hone, but we are naturally doing our best to just get along. And hopefully, this is not about manipulation of another person's mind.

However, what happens when we meet a foe, a person who really rubs us the wrong way, a true challenge. How do we deal with them?

In this week’s Torah portion, Vayishlach, we read the story about when Esau is about to meet Jacob, and Jacob learns that Esau is coming with an army of four hundred men. This frightens Jacob, as he has only a small family. How will he stand up and protect himself?

The Torah tells us that he takes three steps to prepare for this encounter, but first he must perform a crucial task. He must look into his own soul and see of what he is made. He must ask himself, who is Jacob? “Why does Esau want to attack me? Do I deserve to be attacked? Of course, I know the story that happened in the past – but has anything changed? Can I show Esau that things have changed?” Once Jacob starts searching his own soul – understanding who he has become over the last thirty-four years since they saw each other, he now knows how to prepare for the encounter—with the three steps.

First step: He sends gifts to his brother. The gifts show Esau that he doesn’t hate him. True, they have gone their own ways, but that doesn’t mean that they hate each other. Two paths for two people, yet they still have more in common than they have that divides them.

Second step: He prays to G-d that his family be spared any hostilities between Esau or Esau’s men and his family. He prays that their meeting will be a peaceful one.

Third step: He prepares for war. G-d forbid that Esau decides to attack, Jacob hopes that his family will be spared. The Torah tells us that he divides his family and his possessions in half. He puts his family in one area, and all his animals and his material possessions in another area, thinking that if Esau really wants to fight, he might see the option of taking the spoils of war. Hopefully that would satisfy him, and he would leave Jacob’s family alone.

The story concludes peacefully, with Jacob and Esau kissing each other, and all goes well.

The lesson for us is profound. One of the biggest hindrances in getting along with other people, let alone influencing them, is that we don’t know who we, ourselves, are. Once we take stock of ourselves, it makes our job that much easier.