Rabbi Shaya's Thoughts

An emotional connection

Friday, July 28, 2023 - 8:49 AM

Love is a positive emotion, a feeling of closeness and warmth, even of happiness. The sensation of awe on the other hand, stirs within us a very unusual feeling, a feeling of reverence and admiration, perhaps even fear. Yet, in Judaism we are commanded to have these opposing feelings simultaneously applied to G-d at all times.

In this week’s Torah portion Va’etchanan, we read the famous portion of the Sh’ma which discusses the Mitzvah to love G-d and be in awe of G-d. How do we develop these feelings? And can we be commanded to have a feeling in the first place? It is one thing to be told to do something, but to feel something, to have an emotion? Each and every human being is unique in their own way. How can we be told to love G-d, and to have an opposing feeling at the same time?

The commentators agree that this is a true statement and by turning it into a question shows that we are missing the point. G-d wants us to come to the point where we have these emotions by our own volition, as we cannot be told how to feel. However, G-d is guiding us toward the idea that if we want to feel a certain way, we shouldn’t expect it to just come, we have to do something to generate that feeling.

How does one produce a positive feeling toward G-d? Just being hopeful that it will come is not enough. We must act, by meditating on what G-d means to us.

If we spend time thinking about G-d, we can create an intellectual connection that can, and will, lead to an emotional bond.

Our intellectual mind will lead us to be in awe, while our emotions will draw us closer until we fall in love with G-d.

This takes time and effort, but by being persistent, we are able to develop these feelings toward the Almighty G-d.

Shabbat Shalom

Share the blame

Wednesday, July 19, 2023 - 1:20 PM

When a person sins, does that decision come from within, or could external circumstances have caused the person to sin? Blaming the decision on one’s surroundings seems like a copout. Shouldn’t a person take responsibility for their actions? No matter where they are, the Talmud tells us that “a person is always responsible” for their own behavior, even while asleep. If that is the case, how can we even entertain the idea of blaming a sin on something else, and not taking responsibility?

We see in this week’s Torah portion, Devarim, when Moses recounted the stops that the Jews made on their way to the Promised Land, instead of calling the locations by their names, he gave them nicknames. For example, he called the place where the Jews sinned by building the Golden Calf, “Too-much gold.”

Moses, in his lifelong pursuit of finding merit in the Jewish people, looked to blame their wrongful behavior on an external reality: They simply had way too much gold on their hands. If they would not have had the gold, then the temptation to make an idol would simply not have been there.

This is not enough justification for the Jews’ sin; they must know that what they did was wrong. What was their motivation, what caused them to make such a dramatic collective mistake? They could not blame it on the abundance of gold. But Moses could, and did.

The lesson for us is clear. When looking at our own faults, we should not try to justify and gloss over them, but rather regret them and repair our ways. However, when we look at others’ behaviors, we should look at every possible scenario to see if perhaps there is some legitimate reason why they have erred. Even if the reason is a bit far-fetched, it’s better to find a way for us to look at them favorably, than to look negatively at them. See someone who errs from a positive perspective; perhaps there is “something” that caused them to make this mistake.

Disciplined or fluid

Thursday, July 13, 2023 - 9:41 AM

Disciplined people don’t need excessive controls in place to make sure that they are productive. However, if you are a less disciplined person, keeping a tight schedule can be very helpful to stay focused and goal oriented.

Let’s take work for example. Most of us are not so disciplined as to keep to our to-do list perfectly, which is why there is a huge industry instructing us how to do so best. The point is that creating an external control system can be helpful to us.

The question for us is, What kind of person do we want to be? A person who is disciplined and doesn’t need external controls, or a person who is more fluid, and uses external oversight so that everything gets done on time?

This topic is addressed in this week’s Torah portion, Matos, which discusses the idea of taking an oath for the purpose of self-improvement, and how to annul the oath once the mission has been accomplished.

The larger issue that needs to be addressed is, why would someone want to take an oath, or make a binding resolution, to do (or not to do) something that is permitted to them? What is the motivating factor?

The Torah is referring to an oath taken by a person who wants to become closer to G-d. Within this category there are three consecutive levels. You must achieve one to move to the next.

1 - The person who wants to make a strong commitment to reconnect makes a resolution to do something good.

One example might be about a worker who has a hard time getting to work on time, so they make a resolution to arrive five minutes early. Although on the surface this looks great, every day they show up five minutes early, but in truth it is a sign of weakness, i.e., it is clear that this person has a tendency to come late. The ideal goal would be to train themselves to come on time, and then the need to come early, or at least to have this “oath/resolution" hanging over their head, be removed.

On a spiritual level this means to say that we are putting on training wheels with the intention of taking them off. In essence, the oath is meant to be temporary.

2 – You have trained yourself to become more productive – you come to work on time. Now it is time to conquer other areas in your life by improving them. However, now that you have learned how to do so, this time around you are able to accomplish those without a promise, because you have trained yourself to self-motivate.

Spiritually speaking, the goal of the initial oath was not to tie you down, but to inspire you to journey on a positive path. Now that you are on that trajectory you are doing well. But there is still the need to be extra cautious.

3 – Once you have created an environment of success, a culture of discipline, and a spirit of entrepreneurship in your attitude toward life, you can be more fluid. Of course you still follow the rules, but you don’t have to be so rigid. Happiness and contentment kick in.

Our sages teach, “It is enough what the Torah forbids, there is no need to add to that list.” Once we reach the level where we know who we are, we are disciplined enough to know our strengths and weaknesses, the external pressures that we had placed on ourselves to reach higher are no longer necessary, as we are already there.

As we master the skill of balancing our lives in a disciplined fashion, let’s enjoy the fluidity that it provides for us.