When someone criticizes you and they dress it up with the words, “I am giving you constructive criticism,” even though we know it to be true, (or we hope that it is true) it is difficult to hear. This raises the question, if the listener has a difficult time listening, and even more so, internalizing what has been said, why bother giving them any feedback to begin with if it will be painful for them to hear?
Perhaps, even within the negative, there is positive to be found.
In this week’s Torah portion, Ki Tavo, we have the harshest warnings from G-d: When Moses tells the Jews that if they don’t observe the Torah and its precepts, they will be punished harshly, at the very least.
Keeping in mind that G-d is our Father in Heaven, we understand that His warnings are lined with love, so even a harsh warning, as scary as it may be, is actually sound advice. We just need to know how to listen, just as we must know how to hear constructive criticism.
Let’s tap into one such example. The verse says that if we don’t follow the will of G-d, we will be brought back to Egypt in captivity on boats to be sold as slaves, yet no one will even want to buy us as slaves! Now that is bad!
Right? Not so fast.
Perhaps there is another way of looking at it.
A person might be so lost, with little direction in life, to the point that they cannot remember if they left Egypt or are headed there. Egypt is not just a physical location but a state of mind. In Hebrew the word Egypt, Mitzrayim, means “limitations.” The Jews left Egypt (their limitations) behind, yet for some reason or another a person can become captivated by the world around them and lose direction—one can become addicted to things that they don’t even want a part of, and they are drowning. Then along comes a boat that saves them from the roiling sea. However, to make a quick about-face will not work, as the person must want to change by their own initiative, meaning if it doesn’t happen from within, it will not last. Once on the boat the person has time to think about their life, the direction it has taken and what they want to do. They make a resolution to change – i.e., they do Teshuvah. Once the boat brings the person to shore, the person is a changed soul. They are no longer a slave to the world around them—they are a free person in the way they think and in the way they behave. So, although they are placed on the slave block, no one wants to buy them, as it is as clear as day that this person is not for sale.
Keeping the above in mind, I ask you a question: Is this verse a curse or a blessing? Is criticism, when truly given for the purpose of being constructive, a negative or a positive?
When we talk to another person with love, even a harsh word is a kind word. When G-d talks to us, it is always out of love; even a harsh word is a kind word.
We are less than two weeks away from Rosh Hashana, a time when we reemphasize our connection to G-d, when we rethink what G-d means to us, and us to G-d. What our relationship is all about. What direction our boat is traveling in.
Let’s make this time of reflection a meaningful one.