At times, we can be confused as to what kind of relationships we have with our friends, with our colleagues, and even with our children. Did we communicate our intentions properly? Did they understand what we were trying to share with them? Did the message get lost in our communication? Today such potential miscommunication is commonly called a generation gap. But if it is so, perhaps there is more to it.
Let’s see what the Torah has to say on this subject. We find an interesting anomaly to the way the first words of this week’s Torah portion are written. The parsha says, “And this is the offspring of Isaac,” referring to both his children, Jacob and Esau. Yet, it is not written explicitly.
Here is the quandary: It is clear from the rest of the story that follows that Jacob continues the chain of the Jewish tradition. It is one thing to mention that Esau is a child – facts are facts – but if we are trying to illustrate what Isaac stood for, why hint about the existence of Esau now? When the information becomes relevant, we will say so.
Let’s jump to the end of Esau’s life—perhaps that event can shed some light. In a dramatic episode during Jacob’s funeral, there is a skirmish in which Esau dies as well, and his head, but not his body, is buried along with his brother, Jacob. Why is Esau’s head buried along with Jacob, the wicked with the righteous? Even if it is his head only? Meanwhile, Ishmael, Abraham’s son—who, we should keep in mind, did return to G-d’s way—was not buried at all near Abraham or Isaac?
This only broadens our questions to include not only what is the difference between Jacob and Esau, but also what is the difference between Esau and Ishmael?
We must conclude that the two are not alike at all. Ishmael, although he changed his ways, never connected to Abraham; he remained disassociated from him. Esau, on the other hand, although he might have struggled his whole life, was always connected to his father; it might have been a turbulent relationship, but a relationship it was. In the end, only his “head” remained connected; his “body” never made the association. His head submitted to Isaac & Jacob’s way of life, although his actions did not follow.
The lesson is clear. We must never give up hope on any child, or on any relationship. We must do all that we can to help even the most troubled souls. Perhaps we can make a difference in their lives. Sometimes, all that we can do is lift up their “head,” hopefully with the help of G-d, and their own initiation, their “body” will come along as well.
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