We all have family and friends who have wronged us at some time or another. We know that the right thing to do is to live and let live, but that is easier said than done. We wonder to ourselves, did the person really want to offend us? Do they know how badly we were hurt? If they knew, would they be able to apologize? These and other thoughts start to get the better of us and it is not easy to just let go. How we move on becomes the nagging question.
In this week’s Torah portion, Vayigash, we learn about the story of Joseph and his brothers. Unbeknownst to the brothers, Joseph had become the viceroy of Egypt at the time they came from Israel to buy food; there was famine in Israel as well. In a powerful government position, Joseph could choose to take revenge on the brothers for selling him into slavery. But when Joseph finally reveals himself to them, instead of punishing them, he takes the high road. He tells them that although their actions were bad, it is those actions that gave him the ability to help them now. Wow!
Let’s unpack this. How was Joseph able to live and let live? How was he able to look beyond what he went through and not take revenge? The answer is powerful: It was because of their actions, not because of their intentions – perhaps we can even say, despite their intentions – that he was brought to where he was that day. Joseph was able to look at the end result, not at the steps that were taken along the way.
How was he able to do that? Because he knew that deep down in the recesses of their souls, his brothers did not want to harm him. True, their actions didn’t align with their souls’ desires, but that is why, ultimately, while they did something terrible, that didn’t make them bad people. Joseph was able to look past all of that and see deep into their souls’ truest desires, and see only good.
Joseph gives us, his progeny, the gift of being able to look at others with this same compassion and kindness. To find good in others and to see them for who they really are, even if their actions don’t always align.
Just as in the story of Joseph, we see that when he treated his brothers with kindness, he was able to reveal within them a liking toward him, and he toward them. So, too, it is with us. When we train ourselves to be kind to others, we eventually bring out within ourselves and within others, a kindness that we might not have known existed before.