What does it mean to love someone unconditionally, without a specific reason or a deep personal bond?
Might it come from understanding them well, or perhaps just accepting them for who they are? On the one hand, the better you understand a person, the better you get to know them, and the stronger the bond. On the other hand, one could say that the mind becomes a hindrance to the connection that you are trying to create, and if you could just remove all the obstacles and connect soul to soul—no thinking, no emotions, just being there for the other person—you will be truly present. However, you might then ask, to whom am I connecting?
We experience this dilemma when we try to connect to G-d as well. We want to understand G-d’s commandments, yet there are some that make no sense to us. How do we connect? Because we understand? Or because He said so?
In this week’s Torah portion, Chukat, we learn about the “red heifer.” The red heifer is the poster-child of a Chuk-–a law that is beyond comprehension. Now, there are quite a few mitzvot
in the Torah that are difficult to understand, but within those laws, there are at least details that are reasonable, comprehensible, that we can wrap our minds around. However, when it comes to the red heifer, every detail about it just does not sit well with us.
To illustrate the difference between a mitzvah that makes no sense at all vs. one that makes a little sense: We can engrave a word into a stone, and when we do so, the word and the stone
become one. However, what happens if we engrave the word so deeply that we make a hole all the way to the other side? In such a case, the word is not only engraved, but it can be filled up again and no longer visible so it becomes one with the stone forever. It is a much deeper connection.
While having a deep understanding of a person gives us a better appreciation of that person, it also limits our appreciation. If we can connect to someone without any inhibitions, “just
because,” we are truly free to connect soul to soul. Once we reach that bond, we can layer it up with reason and emotion. Now we can have our cake and eat it, too.
Shabbat Shalom.
ב"ה