Nostalgia is often enjoyed when family and friends gather to reminisce about the “good old days.” But for many people, some of those same memories can trigger sadness as well.
We need to be sensitive to this. Memories can be powerful, and not everyone wants to be reminded of the past. The challenge, though, is to find what a person can and should do to live a healthy and balanced life, knowing how important it is to put the past behind them, while constantly also reminding themselves of that very need.
Remembering, yet forgetting. How is that done?
Of course, this is not simple. It’s a long conversation that belongs in a safe space with the right therapist, because no single approach works for everyone.
As Jews, however, we carry collective trauma together. Our history is filled with moments of deep pain. The first to inflict such pain was Amalek, and ever since, “Amalek” has become the catch-all name for those who rise against us in hatred.
In this week’s Torah portion, Ki Teitzei, we are given instructions: “Remember to forget the name of Amalek.”
This is a puzzling statement. If I forget Amalek entirely, then what am I remembering? And if I am told to remember, how can I also forget?
The commentators explain that the verse contains a subtle but important conundrum. When the Torah speaks of destroying Amalek, the destruction does not include their personal property.
Why?
Because people will always carry memories; changing appearances or moving to a new place won’t erase them, which is why Amalek needs to be erased and forgotten. Property, objects, and things, however, can be repurposed. Once they are detached from their original owner, they can take on new meaning. True, this requires effort, but it is possible.
That’s the distinction that the Torah is making. Some memories must truly be forgotten, while others can be reframed and given new life. If something brings back painful memories, it doesn’t always need to be destroyed.
Sometimes, by altering it and giving it new meaning, it can help us heal.
Yet, we must remember that the person or source of pain must be let go.
As we head into the High Holiday season, when we stand before G-d and ask for a blessed new beginning, this message feels especially relevant. We must learn what can be reframed, and what needs to be released completely.
With blessings for a happy, healthy new year.