When we feel wronged by someone, it is easy to hold a grudge. Yet at times we feel the need to forgive. On the surface, forgiveness may simply stem from a desire to move on. We do not want the negativity to linger. We do not seek revenge. We do not want the other person to suffer or pay a price for their wrongdoing. We simply want to put the matter behind us.
To gain a deeper understanding of forgiveness, it is worth examining a story in this week's Torah portion, Chukat.
After the Jews sinned yet again, an epidemic broke out and fiery serpents attacked the people. When the Jews realized their mistake, they came to Moses and asked for forgiveness and begged him to pray to G-d on their behalf.
Moses did. Yet G-d instructed him to raise a copper serpent on a pole so that the people would look toward it and be reminded that everything comes from G-d. Only after this was done did the dying come to an end.
Our sages teach that from this story we learn the importance of forgiveness. A person should not be cruel or ruthless when asked to forgive. Rather, we should strive to be forgiving.
To appreciate the idea of forgiveness better, let’s break it down into different levels of forgiveness:
- We care enough about the other person that we do not want them to suffer the consequences of the hurt they caused, so we forgive them.
- We do not even want the negativity between us to linger. We forgive and allow bygones to be bygones.
- The forgiveness is so complete that the slate is wiped clean. There is no lingering resentment, no scorekeeping, and no emotional residue. The forgiveness is so thorough that it is as though the offense never occurred. In fact, the relationship may become even stronger because of it.
Moses could have simply forgiven the Jews for their complaints and prayed that the suffering stop. But that would not have fully resolved the issue. Moses sought something deeper. He wanted forgiveness without conditions and without lingering resentment.
For that to happen, the Jews first had to acknowledge their wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness. It was not enough for Moses to forgive them on his own. They needed to take responsibility for their actions.
This is why G-d instructed Moses to raise the copper serpent. The people had to look upward, reflect, and change. If seeing the serpent inspired them to recognize their mistake and return to G-d, then they would merit the highest form of forgiveness. If not, the wound would remain unresolved.
True forgiveness is not merely granted; it must also be earned. When repentance is sincere and forgiveness is complete, it is as though the wrong never happened.
We must learn how to forgive, but we must also learn how to earn forgiveness.
If you have wronged someone, ask for forgiveness sincerely. And if someone asks you to forgive, do not be ruthless. Find it within yourself to truly forgive.
Shabbat Shalom.