When people go to extremes, their friends and family often frown upon them, wondering, Why can't you just be like everyone else? It is worth asking, however, whether being extreme is always a bad thing. Perhaps there are times when it is appropriate, or even beneficial, to be a little fanatical about something.
In this week's Torah portion, Matot, we learn about the laws of vows and oaths and how they may be annulled. If a person makes a vow, under certain circumstances the vow may be annulled.
For example, if a woman wants to make sure that she doesn’t light the Shabbat candles on Friday to late, she can take a vow to kindle her candles much earlier than necessary. If she changes her mind, there are ways for her to annul her vow.
At first glance, this seems to send a mixed message.
If taking a vow, even it if is for a short period of time, is a good thing, why does the Torah provide a way to annul it before the designated time is up? And if it is not a good thing, why does the Torah permit making vows in the first place?
The Torah is teaching us something profound about human nature: While there are times when we feel strong and determined, convinced that we can overcome any obstacle, there are also times when we feel weak and vulnerable, when doing the right thing becomes much more difficult. At those moments, a vow can serve as a powerful tool. By placing an additional layer of commitment upon ourselves, we strengthen our resolve to live up to the standards we know we should keep.
But the goal is not to remain dependent on vows. The point is to develop the inner strength to do what is right without needing extraordinary measures. Once a person reaches that point, the vow has fulfilled its purpose. That is why the Torah also provides a path to annul it.
In other words, the vow is not the destination; it is a bridge.
The same is true in our own lives. There are times when we need external support, whether it is accountability, structure, or extra motivation, to help us reach our goals. Those supports are valuable, but they are not meant to become permanent. Their purpose is to help us build the inner discipline to stand on our own.
Ultimately, living at the extremes is not the Torah's ideal. Yet there are times when temporarily embracing an "extreme" measure can help us find the balance we seek.
Shabbat Shalom