Ten Years.
I can’t believe that this week we marked my father’s yahrzeit for the tenth time. Does time heal grief? Should I even allow time to heal me? His presence is missed, yet I feel him with me all the time. What am I to do with these conflicting feelings?
The Yiddish word yahrzeit means a years’ time, an anniversary. However, in Hebrew we call it a Yom Hilulah—this loosely translates to a “day of celebration,” a time that we dedicate to remembering the positive lessons of one’s life. Within this meaning, I am OK if I am talking about the yahrzeit of someone from a previous generation, someone whom I have never met. However, when I am talking about my beloved father, it is easier said than done. How can I “celebrate” this day?
At times like this I look to the Torah for guidance. This is what I found in this week’s Torah portion.
The story is told of how the Jews are about to go into the land of Israel. Two tribes, Reuven and Gad, approach Moses and ask permission to stay on this side of the Jordan River. They explain that the grass is greener here and they have many animals that need pasture. Moses is up in arms! Here they go again! They are just like the spies of 38 years prior. Why can’t they just go along with G-d’s plan and trust that there will be enough grass in Israel proper? They pleaded with Moses, promising him that they will go along and fight together with all the Jews, and only when everyone is settled in the land of Israel will they come back to their families. Moses gives in, reluctantly.
What is surprising is that when this episode is recorded in the Torah, suddenly half of another tribe is in the mix. Half of the tribe of Menashe will join Reuven and Gad. This is not because they asked for it; on the contrary, they love Israel so much they did not want this “honor.” The tribe of Menashe is known for its fervent commitment to the land of Israel, and that is why only half the tribe requested to stay. Where did the order for them to stay come from? Directly from Moses.
So is Moses embracing the idea of living on the other side of the Jordan River? Or is he sending half a tribe along to make sure that the others don’t go astray? Are the actions of Reuven and Gad shortcomings – to refrain from doing – or are they virtues, worthy of celebration? What is Moses’s message? On the one hand he is discouraging Reuven and Gad on the other hand he is encouraging Menashe.
Moses sees the big picture. The Torah teaches us that in the time of Moshiach, the Land of Israel will expand to include the territory on the other side of the Jordan River. Therefore, if you are a fervent believer in the holiness of the Land of Israel, and you have complete trust in G-d that He will provide for you, then living on the other side of the Jordan is not only for the physical greener grass that is there now, but for the spiritual growth that will come at a later date with the arrival of Moshiach and can already be experienced now on a small scale.
Moses wanted to ensure that although the tribes of Reuven and Gad looked for the wrong thing at that moment, with guidance from the tribe of Menashe, they would remain focused on what really matters in life: Instead of looking for physical comforts, they would be expanding their spiritual worlds as well.
This same idea applies to me. On the one hand I mourn the loss of my father, but on the other hand, it awakens within me a desire for Moshiach to come, a time when we will be reunited with our loved ones.
If I can focus on the future instead of on the past, then, and only then, can I “celebrate” this day.