If being kind to another person makes you happy, does being happy turn you into a kind and giving person?
Before you answer, let me share with you a thought.
When a child does an act of kindness toward their parent, there could be duplicitous motivation—at the same time that it is a kindness, there is a desire for a certain closeness that underlies that act, and is the impetus for the act. You want to be close, hence the kind behavior. In a sense, this is selfish.
On the other hand, when an employee does a kind act for their employer, it is more an act of humility than an act of love. It is the restraining of one’s ego much more than a show of affection, as one would see with the child to a parent. In a sense, this is a selfless act.
We see that not every action, although it may be kind, is the same; some actions are ego-driven while others are humility-driven.
What feeling does happiness solicit from us?
When we are in a truly happy mood, we are not thinking about ourselves but about the other person, regardless of whether it is our parent, friend, colleague, or boss. This is the beauty of being happy. We are in the mood of self-restraint, in the sense that we are restraining our ego and making space for others; that is why we feel so “loose,” because we are allowing ourselves to shine.
Although it is true that being kind to others makes us happy, being happy truly allows us to be giving to others, in a greater way.
We learn this idea from Isaac in this week’s Torah portion.
On the one hand he is known for his attribute of “restraint,” which on the surface sounds like the opposite of “kind.” Yet his name also means “happiness,” which has the connotation of being kind. However, once we understand that happiness leads us to restrain our ego, which leads us to be kind, we start to have a different picture of whom Isaac was.
Isaac has only one Torah portion dedicated exclusively to him. On the surface it might not look so exciting or full of action. That is because when one keeps their ego in check, one remains quiet and humble.
Isaac was humble and happy and the lessons he taught us remain with us.