If the saying, “Laughter is the best medicine” is true because it releases deep emotions, the same should be true for a good cry. However, in order to have a “meaningful cry” we have to be motivated to do so. This begs the question, what motivates you to cry? Do you cry out of self-pity? Or out of deep concern for another person’s pain and suffering?
Yes, it may be true that crying is good for you—it allows one to relieve themselves from a burden, or at least make it lighter. However, ultimately we have to ask ourselves, what really lies behind our cry?
In this week’s Torah portion, Vayigash, a dramatic story unfolds. It describes the scene of Joseph revealing himself to his younger brother Benjamin, how Joseph could not contain himself any longer, and hugged and kissed Benjamin while Benjamin hugged and kissed Joseph in return. You can just imagine the emotions going on at the time, so we should not be surprised if they were laughing at the time, or even if they cried tears of joy, while they hugged and kissed. The Torah says that they cried. Not tears of joy. Sad tears. Not for now, says the Midrash, but rather they cried over the sad future that their lives held for them in the generations to come, not even in their lifetimes, but in the future! Eventually, the Midrash explains, the Mishkan that resided in Joseph’s territory in Israel would be destroyed, and the two Holy Temples that stood in the land of Benjamin would also be destroyed. That is the reason why they cried!
They cried for each other’s losses. They did not cry for themselves.
Why?
The Torah tells us indirectly why, by mentioning that they cried on each other’s necks.
What is the significance of a neck?
The neck is what connects the head to the body. The head is where the soul “resides” and the body is where we live. The neck acts as a conduit to bring our soul into our body.
Our soul is “part of G-d” and therefore never experiences any pain or suffering, only our body does.
Our neck controls the flow of positive energy from the soul into our body—and it can decide to cut it off.
When Joseph and Benjamin cried, they did not cry on each other’s head. That is because in their “head” the destruction of the Temples was not considered to be bad, and hence, there was no reason to cry. However, when it came to the neck, there was reason to cry, because that was where the “flow” occurred. Nevertheless, they did not cry for themselves, they cried for each other.
What is the significance of crying for each other versus crying for themselves?
When it comes to our challenges in life, we have to view them as obstacles that we have to overcome. True, we may not like that, but we should also not focus on it. Our focus, even during our challenges, should be on helping other people. How can I make another person’s life better? When we do so, automatically our life becomes more meaningful, even though we are suffering ourselves. That is why Joseph and Benjamin both cried for each other, although they had reason to cry for themselves.