When you first hear the two words “emotional intelligence” together you have to wonder: Don’t they clash? Emotions are feelings, while intelligence is understanding. Feelings are warm and fuzzy, and can get in the way of our brain functioning properly. Thinking and analyzing on the other hand, can be cold and distant, which can get in the way of us having a warm and fuzzy feeling. How then do these two words come together?
How can we have Intelligence that is emotional, and how can we have emotion that is intelligent?
One of the most famous prayers, the Shema, which is in this week’s Torah portion, says, “(And) You should love G-d with all your heart.” How do you love G-d with all your heart? “Love” is an emotion. How can we be commanded to have an emotion? We can be asked to do an action, to “behave as if we love,” but to actually love, that is asking too much.
This question is asked by many famous commentators. Some respond that it is true, that we cannot be asked to actually have an emotion, just to “act as if we have the emotion.” In modern terms it would be called “behavior therapy.” Do the right thing and with time, the feelings will follow.
Others argue that the Torah is teaching us that we should have “emotional intelligence.”
This means that we have to think about our feelings. Why should we love G-d? Who is G-d? What does He do for us? What about this vast world that He has created, and continues to create? The more we contemplate G-d, the more we will come to appreciate Him and eventually come to love Him. If we haven’t reached the level of love, then it is a sign that we have not studied Him enough.
The field of emotional intelligence is not new. The Torah has been teaching us all along to get in tune with our emotions. To know who we are, how we feel. To understand what our feelings are telling us and to guide those feelings in meaningful ways.
This is ultimately what emotional intelligence is all about, the merging of the whole. We are not two people, one with a heart and one with a mind, but a whole person, who uses our mind and heart as one, to become a complete person so that we can love and understand. To use our head and heart at the same time.