How do we know if a change we’ve made in our lives is meaningful? At times, for example, we may make a change just to please someone else. Is a change made to please a loved one, family member, friend, colleagues, or social group a meaningful act or not?
We might think that in order to keep the peace, we should do what it takes to make everyone happy. In other words, go with the flow, even if it’s not who we really are.
There are times when doing what others expect may be right. We follow their advice because we know they are wiser and more experienced, for example. Or maybe not: it’s also possible it’s just guilt that’s guiding our decision. How can we know?
In this week’s Torah portion, we read about Esau taking a new wife, Machlat, the daughter of Yishmael. Machlat was more than a daughter and wife; her life had special meaning of its own. The Medrash teaches us that Machlat comes from the Hebrew word “Mechila” which means forgiveness. This tells us that she was forgiven for her sins. She changed, through asking for forgiveness from G-d, and hence she became a better person.
Why is this important? Because Esau married Machlat to prove to his father that he had become a better person. He wanted to show his father he changed his ways by marring a good wife.
But did Esau really change? Esau had previously married two wives against his parents’ wishes. According to the Rabbis, these women spent all their days in adultery and idolatry.
The fact that Esau added a wife on to these two wives instead of leaving the women he had previously married tells us that he didn’t really change. He had behaved in a certain way to please his father, but the fact that he didn’t get rid of his past life tells us that his new life was not that significant.
This is our litmus test. If a change in our lives demands that we leave something behind and we do it, then we know we’re on the road to true change. If we don’t leave the past behind, then the change will be temporary.
This Thanksgiving season let us be grateful for the opportunity Judaism gives us to make meaningful change in our lives.
Shabbat Shalom.