We find something very interesting in this week’s Torah portion. When the Torah recalls the wives whom Esau married, one of them is named “Basmat.” The commentators point out that she is the same woman as “Machalat,” daughter of Yishmoel, who was mentioned two weeks ago. Basmat is her real name, but, we wonder, why was she referred to earlier as Machalat? Perhaps because Machalat means “forgiveness” and on the day of one’s wedding, a bride and groom are forgiven of their sins.
If you recall, two weeks ago I wrote about the lack of sincerity on the part of Esau upon his marriage to Basmat/Machalat, yet it is from this marriage that the Midrash teaches that when anyone gets married they are forgiven from all their sins, just as Esau was! Wow.
How can we learn from such an insincere marriage that all marriages start with a clean slate?
By learning the whole Midrash, we will garner a deeper meaning.
The Midrash goes on to tell us that there are three times in one’s life when they can start anew (in addition to every year on Yom Kippur):
1. When someone converts to Judaism
2. When someone is appointed to a position of greatness
3. On the day of one’s marriage
What are the common denominators between these three seemingly random situations? The outcome of all three will result in growth:
1. In one’s connection to G-d, through the performance of Mitzvot
2. Through making an impact in this world
3. Through having children and performing Mitzvot in the home that you build together as a couple
Looking at it this way, it doesn’t really matter that Esau wasn’t sincere. Of course it would be more meaningful if he were sincere but the main thing is that he is doing the best that he can.
This is the lesson that all of us can glean even from a person like Esau. We might not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean that our “small” contributions to society are meaningless just because they are not “perfect.” We should try to do our best, and so long as we try and the results are there – even if they are imperfect – we know that we have done our part.